Ann Arbor Wedding Photographer on Forgetting Everything You Thought You Knew About Weddings & Wedding Photography!
Sounds silly right? You’ve done so much research. You’ve attended all your friend’s weddings and took mental notes. You’ve pinned all the wedding dress pins on pinterest. You’ve followed all the accounts on instagram and saved their posts so you can be up on all the latest trends so that when your day comes, you already know what you want that to look like. And even if you haven’t done any of those things, I’m betting you still have a picture in your head that looks something like this:
get ready in a brightly lit room with all of your bridesmaids wearing matching robes and drinking champagne, hang the dress somewhere cool for the photographer to photograph;
first look, groom cries, maybe share some vows, and take the opportunity to do some couples portraits;
dad walks bride down the aisle, tearful vows, bride and groom hold hands and look at each other;
first kiss, confetti, pause for a kiss halfway down the aisle during the recessional;
couple + family portraits;
reception (cake cutting, dances, dinner, dj plays a bunch of songs);
and sendoff.
As an Ann Arbor wedding photographer who has seen this over + over, let me just say:
Woof. That’s a lot! And it’s pretty typical. You’ve definitely heard many people say your wedding day goes by in a flash, and they aren’t wrong about that. But here’s the thing— you only get one wedding, and you only have so much money to spend on this day, so why would you pay for anything that doesn’t absolutely make rainbows and unicorns shoot out of your ears? I’m willing to bet a lot of potential brides and grooms don’t even stop to consider that they might be doing things they don’t even like, because it’s not apparent that you actually have a choice. So it’s time to strip everything down by asking a seemingly simple question, which is: What are you trying to accomplish on your wedding day, and what things do you need to help you accomplish that goal?
If we’re going to answer this question mindfully, we need to get really basic. You’re trying to accomplish a legal binding of two humans—that’s the obvious part. And I’m not trying to get philosophical about what marriage is, that’s something you gotta figure out on your own. But what else are you trying to do with the wedding day? With the party part? Make an actual list so you can reference it later. Are you hoping to celebrate your love with the people that are closest to you? Are you looking to keep up with the status quo and throw a raging party because all your friends did it too and you want to recreate the magic and be the center of it? Is it something that is important to your grandma and you feel like it’s not an option to skip? Are you looking to keep the celebration to just the two of you and try to keep the day as low key and memorable as possible (If you’re answer to this question is yes, sounds like eloping is for you!)
I’ve rewritten that last paragraph several times now because I felt like I couldn’t do it without a tone that makes me sound really anti-wedding, but I want to assure you that I’m not! I just think stripping it all down and asking yourself those questions can be hard, but will ultimately help you figure out what you truly want for the day. If you think It’s going to kick ass to have a raging party with a DJ spinning top 40 hits and people yelling the lyrics to britney spears on the dancefloor— write it on your list and start calling DJs ASAP! But I know so many brides who barely even danced at their own wedding and probably hired the DJ because It’s just an item on a list you have to check off. So you just have to ask yourself what’s important, and even if you’re like “sure Karly, I don’t really like dancing but I’m ok if other people want to” that’s SUPER nice of you to pay for other people to do what they love in the corner away from you, on your wedding day, but what if you allocated that money somewhere else to something that would make the day more enjoyable and memorable for you? What if you brought in a mobile petting zoo and let people play with animals instead? Or maybe a bunch of puppies! (I swear this whole blog post is not a ruse to get a couple to do this and then hire me to photograph it… but like, do this and hire me to photograph it). What if instead of dancing you made everyone get up in front of the crowd and tell their favorite story about the bride/groom, or played some kind of game? Maybe these are terrible ideas, but you get the point— you don’t HAVE to do something just because it’s in the current wedding zeitgeist.
Other examples I’m just going to throw out there while the wheels are turning-
What if instead of trying to cram everything into one day, it was spread across 2-3 days (or a week!)? It would give everyone a chance to relax and enjoy every part, or skip out on parts they didn’t want to attend. Maybe one day you have a pool party and a BBQ, the next you go for a hike and then end the night at a club/bar, and then have the wedding in a church and retreat to a nice venue for a plated dinner? (I realize this could get expensive but it doesn’t have to!)
What if instead of your dad walking you down the aisle, you both walked in together (I’ve had clients do this)? What if instead of separating yourselves the day of the wedding, you got ready together?
What if all formal portraits were taken the day before the wedding, so that on the day of you could relax and enjoy more time with family and friends? That would give you an extra 1-2 hours to spend partying instead of posing for pictures.
What if instead of saying intimate vows in front of 100 people you’ve met one time, you did it in private and then invited everyone to the after party?
What if instead of paying thousands for a wedding venue, you got married in a backyard?
I also want to be clear— the wedding industry is the way it is for a reason. It’s a well-oiled machine and venues and vendors are all recommending each other, offering the same things to every couple because its less expensive and time consuming than trying to make each experience too unique. So a lot of this repetition is driven by budget, and you may not alway be able to have everything you want if you can’t afford you what you want. I’m mostly just trying to say— dont get swept away and pay for something you don’t want, because you don’t have to. And don’t set out a timeline and pick events based on what you think is available to you vs what you would like to make available for yourself.
At this point you’re probably like, “isn’t this a wedding photography blog?”
How does this impact wedding photography?
As a wedding photographer, here’s what I’ll tell you about the photo part— if you forget everything you thought you knew about weddings and wedding photography, your wedding day and your pictures will be so much better for it.
Let’s go back and reference the beginning of this blog post where I said to write down why you want to have a wedding. Was your answer “so that I can post pictures on instagram that look like everyone else’s and see how many likes I can get?” I’m going to go ahead and assume that the answer is no, but if not, I would seriously consider why that’s the case, and perhaps consult with a therapist about your need to be validated on the internet. Of course you should be excited and proud to post images from your wedding day, but that’s not what the day is about and if you’re looking to post a regurgitated version of overdone editorial wedding “moments” I would again implore you to think about the purpose of your day, and that’s what will be reflected in your photos. If the point is to have fun with your friends and family— that’s what you should focus on for your wedding day, and your photographer will capture that. So if you strip everything down, and plan for yourself a wedding that looks and feels like you in all aspects, your pictures will also look like you, and there will be more genuine smiles and candid moments for you to hold dear.
Because my style is so heavily documentary, I REALLY lean into this aspect and encourage everyone to check your expectations at the door, and walk into your wedding day with a resolve to be present and enjoy every moment, and to trust that I will be there to capture it all. Your photos won’t be good because you planned for them to be, they will be good because they will truly be about the moments you want to remember for the rest of your life.
